Sales Prevention Department, or Reasons to NOT buy our soap
Many companies have sales departments, but we are the first (as far as I know) to have an official Sales PREVENTION department.
What are we thinking?
- We make a great product.
- We make it consistently.
- We use quality ingredients.
- We're proud of all our teammates, every one of whom plays a part in getting our product to you.
And we're experienced, not only in this product, but others. Frankly, we're not "spring chickens" who were born yesterday. We've seen the world, and know what's out there. So I'm about to respect your intelligence and give it to you straight.
You might not like our product, for a lot of reasons. Some reasons might even be based on objective observations, like these:
- Maybe you don't like the shape, because sometimes our bars have sharp edges. (We're working to soften them, but haven't completed the transition.)
- Maybe you don't like the color. Sorry about that, but it's not going to change.
- Maybe you can smell something in the product, especially the liquid. Some people do. Most don't.
Again, we're not going to apologize. If you don't like it, don't buy it. Simple.
The product still works great. We've had customers who go crazy with it and try using it as a daily shampoo and even toothpaste. Please don't. At least, don't buy it for those reasons. If you want to brush your teeth with it, that's fine. You should probably keep it to yourself. Then there's shaving. Shaving with our product is actually cool. In fact, here's an entire page dedicated to shaving with UE, including how a friend of ours figured it out.
Oh, and how could I forget about the cost? Our products aren't cheap, at least when compared to other soaps. Compare our stuff to things people spend on a daily basis, however, like fancy coffee or 6-packs of energy drinks, and we're downright in the ballpark. Factor in how many uses you get from our products, and we become competitive with the cheap stuff. Our 1/2 gallon (2 liter) liquid is concentrated, and good for almost two THOUSAND washes.
And then there is shipping. Don't get me started on shipping. Not cheap by any means. Even with that factored in, our stuff is good for you and not that expensive, but I'm not going to sugar coat this... it's expensive. On the other hand, there's absolutely nothing we can do about that, is there?
Every time we figure out how to package a product, we plan on shipping it to a far away place, like Seattle, Washington. We then choose the cheapest of all the services, between the US Postal Service, United Parcel, Federal Express, and DHL. It usually comes down to one of the first two, and that's who we go with. If you have any ideas as to how it might be cheaper, we'd love to hear them.
In the meantime, if you want to stop by our factory in Solon Ohio to save on shipping, that's fine with us. If you want to work with a local retailer (we love brick-and-mortar by the way) that would be great as well. Otherwise, get ready to bite the bullet.
And if anything of the above rubs you the wrong way, that's fine. DON'T buy our product. It's fine. We'll be fine. You'll be fine, although your skin might be a tad dirtier and drier than it could be. But we'll all live. Happily. And that's what this is all about. Thanks.
Official Office of Sales Prevention and Continued Customer Contentedness